Relationship capability or incapacity also exists in partnered sex life. But what are the characteristics of relational sex? Andrea Bräu, sex expert of the casual dating portal Secret.de, who talks about mature sex in this context, has precise ideas. She says it depends on more than just the orgasm.
Tantric attitude instead of orgasm fixation
An essential part of a functioning partnership is a healthy sex life. Both partners should be satisfied with sex and know, respect and consider not only their own desires but also those of the other. “Relationship skills” in sex is the keyword. Andrea Bräu, sex expert of the dating portal Secret.de and sex therapist in Munich, speaks here of mature sex. She emphasizes: “Mature has nothing to do with age in this context, what is meant is the inner maturity of the two partners.”
The ability to reflect is indispensable for mature sex. One should not disregard one’s own erotic needs or those of one’s partner, he says. Bräu explains, “This balance between ego-centeredness and partner-centeredness characterizes a mature character.” In addition, the idea that sex is a sporting activity with constant stress is outdated. It’s about more than just achieving the goal, orgasm, he said. “Here we don’t have an orgasm fixation, but a more spiritual, tantric attitude. Both take time for each other, enjoy being together and derive satisfaction from it,” Bräu said.
Communication is important
According to the sex expert, partners who have mature sex are largely free of shame. They have no secrets from each other in terms of sexual preferences, desires and needs. That’s why they would both be completely open with each other about their sex lives – without fear of the other’s reaction.
Bräu adds, “If the other person once doesn’t feel like it or doesn’t have an orgasm, a mature character doesn’t take it personally, doesn’t feel devalued.” Even if not everything goes smoothly during sex, mature sex partners would have no problem with that. Instead, small mishaps would be taken with humor and evaluated as completely normal.
The Secret.de expert sums up: “Communication – verbal and also non-verbal – is always important in a relationship, however firm or loose it may be, especially during sex.”
Characteristics of mature sex
In all, Bräu lists nine aspects that are characteristic of mature sex:
- Ability to reflect
- Knowing one’s own wants and needs
- Knowing the partner’s wants and needs
- One’s own satisfaction and that of the partner have equal importance
- The way is more important than the goal
- No fixation on the orgasm
- Communication is the be-all and end-all
- Take misfortunes with humor
- Sex is not about fulfilling one’s duty, but about enrichment
According to the sex expert, anyone who takes these characteristics into account has mature sex and leads a healthy partnership, at least in sexual terms. The age does not play a role. 20-year-olds can have sex with each other just as maturely as 50-year-olds.